Here is a post inspired by Tracey Grumbach‘s picture below, for tonight’s dVerse Poets Pub. Enjoy, and have a good Saturday evening.
On this tweaky hour
although we had hands pointing at
various skies we
couldn’t find the middle of
things.
Away for twelve hours
already we had killed two birds with
various stones we
couldn’t help leaving one in lieu of
goosebumps.
We avoided rush hour
all the way we rushed to get where
various angles were softened
we found skies of dots and lines
birds.
Oh all that’s ours
always leaves fleeting out
various trajectories we
can’t help seeing circles
ends.
Hiroshimem 
this is really good…that opening stanza is great and hooks you in…the kill to birds with one stone, great way to use that…we always rush, true…the end of circles too is a nice closing mind burner as well…ha…i like…
Thank you! I appreciate that we chose the same picture, and expressed similar feelings of repetition and going round in circles, in totally different ways!
Not being able to find the middle of matters is key in the self discovery of going in circles. I like the geometry, your word choice, line work, especially having hands pointed at various skies. I enjoyed reading how many different takes of poems from this one photo. Excellente job.
Thank you! The middle ground is always hard to find, indeed. I’m afraid even birds haven’t found it.
I just think that this well written and I’am glad I have read your work. Blessing.
Oh, and I just think I am blessed to have such a lovely comment! Thank you!
Excellent word play. So cool you played with the English idioms which must be so different in French. This was exceedingly modern, and time which is hinted at in the title continues to dominate throughout the entirety of the poem. Clever and thought provoking.
Thank you! I love word play… I’m glad it worked. There’s a similar idiom in French, although it doesn’t mention any birds; literally, « to shoot twice with one stone ».
i just fell right in love with it by reading the first stanza..
although we had hands pointing at
various skies we
couldn’t find the middle of
things…. this is just freakin’ awesome..
Oh my, thank you!!
The beginning here is especially strong–clever, evocative, and so original. The rest is also very strong. I am always being teased about my emphasis on grammar and punctuation but I wondered if you meant the ends of circles, i.e. circles’ ends (with the apostrophe for possessive.) Having no apostrophe was a bit of a stumble for me as I wasn’t quite sure if that’s what you meant.
It’s very interesting either way, but if you mean the ends of circles, I think it would be helpful to put in apostrophe. A lot of people make the jump in meaning, but (if that’s what you mean) it would help the more literal minded!
Really interesting evocative poem! K.
Thank you! What I meant first was « circles, ends » like an enumeration (that has no « and »/ »or ») but since I rarely use commas in my poems, I just skipped a line. When I reread it I found out that it could also mean « circles’ ends », and I let it to readers to decide on their interpretations. But now that you pointed it out, I feel the apostrophe interpretation is best -I might change it then. Thank you for your attention to details!
LInes have so many meanings! I tend to focus on these things, because I am sometimes surprised that people don’t understand what I think is obvious in a poem I’ve written, but of course, I KNOW already what I mean – my innate knowledge isn’t always transmitted! Sometimes it’s great to have different interpretations, but sometimes I find it a bit disturbing that what I thought was clear wasn’t! It all depends on the circumstances.
K.
I love the first stanza, too. 🙂 « tweaky hour » is fantastic!
Thank you!! I guess I should write only first stanzas… I’m just kidding! With the « tweaky hour », I wanted to be a little Daliesque 🙂
they think and move in circles
voices in a treat
Hands pointing at different skies- trying to find the middle of things- what a great start- raising questions and drawing the reader in. Killing two birds- leaving one…the poem just made me feel off balance- it spoke to me about rushing to find things- like poepe try to rush to find ‘things’ to represent themselves- is it maybe that you say a compass in the birds? Or a clock face?…really enjoy poetry like this- challenging- raising questions- prompting me to look deeper- great work Aimee 🙂
Wow, thank you so much! Unfortunately there is no answer in my poem… I haven’t found any yet. Everyone find theirs 😉
Or their questions, that is.
Superbe! Really like the ending. Je vais retourner…
Oh, merci beaucoup!