There is a hole in my vision. There is an open field for many more words in my perspective.

And guess what? I’m not using it. I’m jumping through this empty piece of me to avoid being trapped; But instead, I’ve trapped myself in a whole process of hide and seek.

What’s that whole life of dissatisfaction and missing parts, anyway?

I’d prefer to have the complete puzzle, unbroken, from the start. Two pieces would be enough for me, thank you very much, I’ve had enough.

A perfect life without headbreaking, that is. But that’s not what I got, nor what you have.

Anytime I start a new day the challenges frighten me to the marrow. Anxiety creeps up my spine and spin my head. I’m longing for these holes in between classes, these holes I’ll be able to step back in.

But then what do I find? Mean times.

Reflexive times, of course, but ô combien scary sometimes. I don’t know how to be whole when I am not working.

Correction: I can BE whole but I can’t FEEL it.

I thought I was lacking time for myself, but I am not. I need space in my mind, space in my body, acceptance of what is, gusto to write. Not just unwork.

That is: I need to make a bigger, deeper hole within me, not in my schedule. And then fulfill it (with thoughts, writings, coffees, loves, pictures, airs, purrs).

I need a whole lot of jigsaws for me to work on.